what's love, but a sweet, old-fashioned notion?

My cousin is taking the LSAT next weekend and I was wishing her luck and she asked me about school, this is the convo that ensued:

ME: school is killing me as usual. i have my first exam on tuesday and i feel like i havent slept. i also am on a diet of caffeine and power bars....but dont let that deter you.

Cuz:LOL! yeah, every lawyer always tells you, "don't do it! " WTF!?

Well dear cousin, it's because we wouldn't wish this experience on our worst enemy. Actually it's because it takes a special/crazy/dedicated type of person to WANT to do this. It's like flagellation really. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, flagellation is when those crazy religious people beat themselves with whips of barbed wire during a religious ceremony. The only difference between law school and flagellation is that law school lasts longer. I also find it humorous that dictionary.com defines flagellation as:

Whipping oneself or another as a means of arousing or heightening sexual feeling.

Ha! If ONLY I got sexually aroused from law school. Speaking of which, I am starting to get a sinking feeling that I am going to have to end up marrying/dating only lawyers. The more time I am honing my skills as an apprentice of law, the less functional I become to the outside world. No one gets my jokes, sick sense of humor, sarcasm, hatefulness, the list goes on. Laypersons (haha it's in reference to the Federal Rules of Evidence, testimony of a layperson) just don't get it. It's actually kind of hard to even let people know when you first meet them. When you're trying to get your flirt on, being a law student IS NOT, I repeat is not sexy. And then when you tell people you're a lawyer people will either run for the hills or think you're made of money. Although some guys have found it mildly impressing, just don't outshine their accomplishments.

Let's look at the facts (that I have gathered through no scholastic or factual research but I and you, may assume as true):

• The personality type for the law profession is generally type A, of course w/ individual, subtle nuances. Driven, competitive, impatient, controlling, ambitious....if that's not a law student/lawyer I don't know what is
• Most lawyers/students are procrastinators. The number 1 attorney grievance for a violation of professional responsibility is NEGLECT (this is actually a true story), hmm I wonder why?
• Crazy people are attracted to like minded crazy people. Think about friends that are married and then think about where/how they met (as long as this doesn't make you depressed for being alone and unmarried). Chances are they have either work or school in common. A lot of my lawyer friends that are married have spouses that are lawyers.
• Through the course of education and work experience, a lawyer becomes emotionally detached. This is because of logical reasoning (and for some odd reason logic is tested heavily on the LSAT through games) and preached a lot during school. Logic doesn't involve emotion; it involves the clear, hard facts. If you can't prove "the facts mean x" then you suck at your job. Proving that the facts mean x doesn't involve any emotion, except maybe hate. Hate is recurring theme...

Based on all of this, I think it also drives law professionals into the hands of lovers not even closely related to the legal field. It's either deal with crazy or try and mask it to trick someone else into dealing with your crazy.

I definitely find it hard to even date in law school. You see the same jerk offs everyday, in the library, in the hallway, in the bar, at the liquor store and you want me to bring you home? I don't think so. Men especially that are in law school need to slow their fuckin roll...y'all ARE NOT that special because in fact WOMEN are doing the same thing (and better). You should be kissing MY ass not the other way around. Alas, at my former institution of dysfunction, the guys there really thought that we should up their butts and around the corner because they were doing big things. Unfortunately, the females were desperate, thirsty bitches who DID make their niches up butts and around corners. It was really pathetic. Picture a Hillary Clinton ambition in a Paris Hilton mind. Brilliant but desperate...bad combo.

Then you have people like ME, or not like me because I am special, I admit it. I refuse to date anyone who does not have any higher education. By that I mean, you best have a Bachelor's and if you don't have a bachelor's, then you best be skilled at something that takes training & technique so that you may have a lucrative career. I am sooooo NOT opposed to dating a mechanic, carpenter (my fave being Jesus), general contractor, etc. As long as you are passionate about what you are doing AND good at it AND prosperous we don't have a problem. Besides being educated, you have to be good looking, disease free, hilarious (because I am), trustworthy, honest, clean and awesome. It doesn't sound like much but it is hard to find and harder still to find in school. Because most of the guys are big-headed douche bags. I have guy friends in law school with me, but would I date them? Not if my oral argument depended on it.

When you think about it people that can make it INTO law school, FINISH and pass the bar is a very unique group. I will congratulate a classmate any day and respect you, because you are doing the same, crazy thing as me. So as much as I hate my fellow colleagues, I love them too. And for the same reasons I already mentioned, all that togetherness kind of gets you trapped in a vacuum where you're staring the same people in the face everyday and then finally say "fuck it, we may as well have sex."

But the vacuum works in the opposite way, too. I have discussed this with friends and our basic theory is that the law school relationship (meaning student dating fellow student), is completely different when out of "comfort" of academia. The person you date in law school could be the polar opposite when reintegrated back in the real world. I also know people that have significant others NOT in school with them. The biggest complaint on both ends is not enough time. The law student wants more time studying and the significant other wants more time with them. It's a lose-lose. But in either situation, if you can make it through the vacuum or make it with the layperson, it is a testament of your true love.

Gross, that just made me throw up.

Anyway, whatever happens in my love life, whether it be layperson or lawyer, I don't want to have kids. They make you fat.