P's and Q's
I consider myself to be pretty courteous. I say 'please' and 'thank you' and generally the bitch doesn't come out unless someone does something rude and/or annoying. As a crowd of students got off the shuttle and shuffled into my apartment's office, the door was slammed in my face. This brings me to rules of common fucking courtesy that the rest of the fucking world has somehow forgotten.
1. Hold the fucking door open for people behind you, you lazy piece of shit. I know you know there is at least 1 person behind you that would appreciate the door being held open for them. I'm not saying go out of your way (even though I do sometimes, like for the elderly, sick and pregnant) but geez you bastard, stop being a prick.
2. When someone does hold the door open for you SAY FUCKING THANK YOU. While it should be reasonably expected, a kind aside would be appreciated. Jerk.
3. Move to the side in a narrow passage. You do it for cars on a narrow street, the same rules apply in hallways, stairwells, aisles, etc. Which brings me to the other part of being AWARE of your surroundings. Don't fucking stand in the middle of a narrow passageway and then NOT MOVE when people are coming.
For example, while I was in CVS today 2 Amazonian assholes WOULD NOT move. I am a slim person, but I carry around a bowling bag stuffed with my laptop, books, etc. This thing alone weighs 15 pounds so I'm sure people don't appreciate me swinging it into their side and knocking them down, which is why you really need to move aside. Needless to say, my bitch mode kicked in, so I barreled through them with a loud 'EXCUSE ME!!!!' swinging my bag from side to side like a deranged rhino trying to clear a path in the bush.
4. Elevators, buses, shuttles, trains, rails, etc. THE PEOPLE THAT ARE ON/IN THE APPARATUS MUST EXIT FIRST BEFORE YOU GET ON.
5. Cell phone etiquette. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? Why the fuck are you talking so fucking loudly on your fuckin phone? No one cares about your conversation, shut the fuck up. Also, texting or talking on the phone when your in the company of others is RUDE. Now I understand if people call or text you first. This definitely happens to me. In these situations I either ignore the call or talk for a moment to let them know that I have to go and I will call them back. Responding to a text is fine (booty call) but don't check your email, facebook account and twitter. Come on. I have been guilty of being on the phone in line or paying for something, which is actually rude. I try not to do it but that one is really hard and definitely not as rude as the above mentioned.
6. Men, stop being punks and hold the door open for the ladies.
7. Swearing in public....GUILTY. But I do attempt to keep it down, and I'm not cursing anybody out. I also try to be aware of children, but usually their parents are worse than me so no help there.
8. I can't believe I actually have to mention this one but when you are dining out with others, whether it be 1 or 4, you wait until everyone gets their food before you start ravenously attacking your plate. Now if you're high or famished, I can understand or if you are with a party of 20 your shit could get cold. I would say use your discretion but most people are too fucking stupid to do the right thing.
9. Social networking etiquette. First make sure your privacy settings are where they should be, I'm not gonna give a tutorial. Second, if you don't care or know about privacy settings ask yourself one simple question: "Would my great-grandma want to hear this from me?" If the answer is NO then DON"T FUCKING POST IT. Please, please, please stop posting information about anything that has to do with your bodily fluids or functions, sex life, relationships, or other information that is normally reserved for your diary. No one wants to hear about it, no one wants to know about it and you're fuckin stupid for letting the world see it. Ever wonder why that job never hired you? or that guy never called you back? Yeah.
10. Cleanliness. Unless you're homeless (which I am very sorry for, but then again you probably don't have internet access so you can't read this anyway) then please bathe. Me, I look like a fuckin wreck most of the time. But it's a controlled wreck (see former posts). I DO NOT look like I haven't showered and combed my hair for a week. If you start to have smelly lines emanating from your body like Pig-Pen, it may be time to seek professional help. (This includes your funky breath).
11. Library or other places where you should shut the fuck up. The lib is the ONLY place I can do work. When I attempt to do work in my apartment it's like my ADD goes awry, even when I'm on my meds. I just can't focus. I will try to find anything and everything to distract me from doing work. Oh my room isn't clean, I need to do laundry, I need to vacuum, I need to alphabetize my DVDs, I need to write a blog post, I need to call anyone & everyone in my phone.
Not only that, but the chairs to the kitchen table are wood, no cushion for the pushin' combine with my bony ass it's just really uncomfortable. The overhead light is a glaring, florescent bulb and I am near the kitchen. It's called binge eating. Then there's the TV.
Have you ever attempted to do work in your bed with the TV on? It's like an instant sleeping pill. I'm comatosed in minutes with my laptop open and books spread out around me. Each time I attempt to do this, I think something different is going to happen. Every time I end up falling asleep and not doing my work. It's just awful trust me. The library therefore is a sanctuary, hours and hours can fly by and I can actually get a lot of work done (usually). Well not right now because I don't wanna do research. But when I am here....shut the fuck up. Stop whispering to each other in your native tongue. Also, you're not a law student, go to the fuckin undergrad library, you're using up valuable space for me and my books. I have to on several occasions ask people to shut the fuck up, whether they be talking, whispering or using their cell phone. This is a place of silent desperation so please do not disturb.
12. About half of our lives are spent waiting. Waiting for dinner, waiting for our degree, waiting to get laid and waiting in line. Out of all of those things, waiting in line is by far the worst. There are 2 types of line-waiters:
The 'INeedToBeAsCloseAsNecessarilyPossibleSoICanGetToTheRegisterSooner'
and the 'I am going to give the person in front of me so much space that people have to constantly ask me if I am actually waiting here'
Both of you suck and need to learn about parameters. A rule of thumb, leave about an adult-sized person spaced between you and the person in front of you. Of course extenuating circumstances apply when you are in cramped quarters. But if I can smell your breath, you're too close and if I can't determine your hair color, you're too far.
13. This happened to me today while I was in the library. Our library has single-roomed lavatories with a locking mechanism. As I was just finishing toilet papering the seat, some jack wagon starts turning the handle, again and again until I finally said "someone's in here!" Dude, the door is locked for a reason, continually turning the knob and standing there confused that the door will not open means one thing and one thing only, OCUPADO!
Lastly, what does P's and Q's even stand for? I knew at one point but had to take a refresher via Wikipedia. I think most people understand it to mean to behave in a manner most befitting ladies and gentlemen, but what the hell does the P and the Q really mean? Read it here. I'm too lazy to explain.
Let me know if I missed any ya filthy animals
1. Hold the fucking door open for people behind you, you lazy piece of shit. I know you know there is at least 1 person behind you that would appreciate the door being held open for them. I'm not saying go out of your way (even though I do sometimes, like for the elderly, sick and pregnant) but geez you bastard, stop being a prick.
2. When someone does hold the door open for you SAY FUCKING THANK YOU. While it should be reasonably expected, a kind aside would be appreciated. Jerk.
3. Move to the side in a narrow passage. You do it for cars on a narrow street, the same rules apply in hallways, stairwells, aisles, etc. Which brings me to the other part of being AWARE of your surroundings. Don't fucking stand in the middle of a narrow passageway and then NOT MOVE when people are coming.
For example, while I was in CVS today 2 Amazonian assholes WOULD NOT move. I am a slim person, but I carry around a bowling bag stuffed with my laptop, books, etc. This thing alone weighs 15 pounds so I'm sure people don't appreciate me swinging it into their side and knocking them down, which is why you really need to move aside. Needless to say, my bitch mode kicked in, so I barreled through them with a loud 'EXCUSE ME!!!!' swinging my bag from side to side like a deranged rhino trying to clear a path in the bush.
4. Elevators, buses, shuttles, trains, rails, etc. THE PEOPLE THAT ARE ON/IN THE APPARATUS MUST EXIT FIRST BEFORE YOU GET ON.
5. Cell phone etiquette. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? Why the fuck are you talking so fucking loudly on your fuckin phone? No one cares about your conversation, shut the fuck up. Also, texting or talking on the phone when your in the company of others is RUDE. Now I understand if people call or text you first. This definitely happens to me. In these situations I either ignore the call or talk for a moment to let them know that I have to go and I will call them back. Responding to a text is fine (booty call) but don't check your email, facebook account and twitter. Come on. I have been guilty of being on the phone in line or paying for something, which is actually rude. I try not to do it but that one is really hard and definitely not as rude as the above mentioned.
6. Men, stop being punks and hold the door open for the ladies.
7. Swearing in public....GUILTY. But I do attempt to keep it down, and I'm not cursing anybody out. I also try to be aware of children, but usually their parents are worse than me so no help there.
8. I can't believe I actually have to mention this one but when you are dining out with others, whether it be 1 or 4, you wait until everyone gets their food before you start ravenously attacking your plate. Now if you're high or famished, I can understand or if you are with a party of 20 your shit could get cold. I would say use your discretion but most people are too fucking stupid to do the right thing.
9. Social networking etiquette. First make sure your privacy settings are where they should be, I'm not gonna give a tutorial. Second, if you don't care or know about privacy settings ask yourself one simple question: "Would my great-grandma want to hear this from me?" If the answer is NO then DON"T FUCKING POST IT. Please, please, please stop posting information about anything that has to do with your bodily fluids or functions, sex life, relationships, or other information that is normally reserved for your diary. No one wants to hear about it, no one wants to know about it and you're fuckin stupid for letting the world see it. Ever wonder why that job never hired you? or that guy never called you back? Yeah.
10. Cleanliness. Unless you're homeless (which I am very sorry for, but then again you probably don't have internet access so you can't read this anyway) then please bathe. Me, I look like a fuckin wreck most of the time. But it's a controlled wreck (see former posts). I DO NOT look like I haven't showered and combed my hair for a week. If you start to have smelly lines emanating from your body like Pig-Pen, it may be time to seek professional help. (This includes your funky breath).
11. Library or other places where you should shut the fuck up. The lib is the ONLY place I can do work. When I attempt to do work in my apartment it's like my ADD goes awry, even when I'm on my meds. I just can't focus. I will try to find anything and everything to distract me from doing work. Oh my room isn't clean, I need to do laundry, I need to vacuum, I need to alphabetize my DVDs, I need to write a blog post, I need to call anyone & everyone in my phone.
Not only that, but the chairs to the kitchen table are wood, no cushion for the pushin' combine with my bony ass it's just really uncomfortable. The overhead light is a glaring, florescent bulb and I am near the kitchen. It's called binge eating. Then there's the TV.
Have you ever attempted to do work in your bed with the TV on? It's like an instant sleeping pill. I'm comatosed in minutes with my laptop open and books spread out around me. Each time I attempt to do this, I think something different is going to happen. Every time I end up falling asleep and not doing my work. It's just awful trust me. The library therefore is a sanctuary, hours and hours can fly by and I can actually get a lot of work done (usually). Well not right now because I don't wanna do research. But when I am here....shut the fuck up. Stop whispering to each other in your native tongue. Also, you're not a law student, go to the fuckin undergrad library, you're using up valuable space for me and my books. I have to on several occasions ask people to shut the fuck up, whether they be talking, whispering or using their cell phone. This is a place of silent desperation so please do not disturb.
12. About half of our lives are spent waiting. Waiting for dinner, waiting for our degree, waiting to get laid and waiting in line. Out of all of those things, waiting in line is by far the worst. There are 2 types of line-waiters:
The 'INeedToBeAsCloseAsNecessarilyPossibleSoICanGetToTheRegisterSooner'
and the 'I am going to give the person in front of me so much space that people have to constantly ask me if I am actually waiting here'
Both of you suck and need to learn about parameters. A rule of thumb, leave about an adult-sized person spaced between you and the person in front of you. Of course extenuating circumstances apply when you are in cramped quarters. But if I can smell your breath, you're too close and if I can't determine your hair color, you're too far.
13. This happened to me today while I was in the library. Our library has single-roomed lavatories with a locking mechanism. As I was just finishing toilet papering the seat, some jack wagon starts turning the handle, again and again until I finally said "someone's in here!" Dude, the door is locked for a reason, continually turning the knob and standing there confused that the door will not open means one thing and one thing only, OCUPADO!
Lastly, what does P's and Q's even stand for? I knew at one point but had to take a refresher via Wikipedia. I think most people understand it to mean to behave in a manner most befitting ladies and gentlemen, but what the hell does the P and the Q really mean? Read it here. I'm too lazy to explain.
Let me know if I missed any ya filthy animals
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