Started from the bottom....
So I realize it has been a LONG time since I posted. And I also realize I don't have that many subscribers so I guess I and they will be OK. HAHA....... Anyway I started this blog as an outlet to vent about the struggles of a poor law student. Well now it's about the struggles of a poor post-grad law student.
A lot has happened since I graduated law school last May. Graduation, as always, is a bittersweet event. The ceremony itself was focused more on past alumni and current professors rather than the graduates themselves. Very lackluster if you asked me. Also they pronounced my name wrong. I mean butchered. And my name is not ghetto or complicated or foreign. Plus the announcer had the phonetic spelling so FAIL. I have no idea where any of my graduation picture are, I think they're on a disc somewhere, so when I find them I'll definitely post them.
Other news, I moved to Virginia the day after graduation. Started in Farmville, VA which has the population of 13, all of which are interrelated, inbred cousins. Too much wilderness, too hot, only a Walmart, no Target and NOWHERE to get my eyebrows done. That lasted a few months then we moved up to civilization in the DC Metro area. Let me just say I hate it. The grass is always greener right? I guess I don't HATE it here, I think I'm just miserable right now and the experiences I have been going through if it happened in any city, in paradise even, I think I would say I hated the place. Why so much hate?
Well July 2012 was the Bar Exam. Two days of the most miserable experience known to mankind. If you are in law school and you thought law school was the most miserable 3 years of your existence (which I thought it was with all the financial aid issues) oh you are in for a rude awakening. I (fortunately or unfortunately) consider myself to be a pretty smart cookie (wtf kind of cookie is smart?) and I literally have never failed anything ever before in my life. Academically. I can retain copious amounts of useless and useful information, I am a fast reader, which really helped at school and I am pretty adaptable to situations. I don't get test anxiety and I'm good at studying generally. For my bar prep I chose BarBri (or it chose me). It's expensive but they have a "guaranteed" pass slogan. Studying commenced from literally walking off the stage until a week before the exam, the last Tuesday and Wednesday in July. Yes people it's two days.
Virginia's testing practices are BEYOND. The test site is in the middle of nowhere each time it is given, you have to wear a SUIT and in July in the south the last thing you want to do is take an exam that determines your future in a mother fuckin suit. Not to mention you have to find a hotel and food for 3 days. It's like the vacation from hell. On top of that the first day this guy had a grand mal seizure that disrupted the test for about 30 minutes. He ended up being ok but the proctors were kind of funny. First, they asked if there was a doctor in the house for the BAR EXAM LAWYERS NOT DOCTORS PEOPLE. THEN they asked if anyone had a cell phone to call 911. UMMMMMMMM the rules for the bar exam is if you are caught with a cell phone in the testing site you will never be allowed to take the exam ever again. Anyway, it was a shit show. I didn't pass July by 7 points. Failure was something new and horrible I never wanted to experience again.
Round 2, Fight!
February 2013 was the next test date. Same shit different day. The costs alone associated with the bar exam are staggering. So having to take it for a second time was stressful and costly. Working as a part time server doesn't exactly help either. I didn't pass February by 2 points............................sigh.
Fast forward to the present. I am gearing up for bar exam numero tres. I am still a waitress. I have no job prospects. I have been out of the legal community for year and I have no money. I haven't even BEGUN to study yet because I can't afford the test materials I want. I decided that BarBri is definitely NOT the way to go, at least for the multiple choice, which has been my Achilles' heel. My essays are stellar but I only improved my multiple choice by 1 point from the July to February exam. If I got 1 more question right however I would've passed. It fucking sucks.
Everyone keeps telling me I'll pass this time, I was so close, it was only 2 points, hang in there, something will come along, you won't be a server forever, etc. etc. etc. But it doesn't feel that way. I am a G-d-fearing spiritual woman, and there is a proverb or something that says G-d won't give you anything you can't handle. But I am at my breaking point because I really don't think I can handle much more of this. When I look at my life: 28 years old, lives at home with mom, waitress, can't pass the bar; it is truly TRULY depressing. I feel like I might need that little Abilify guy from the commercials. The sad thing is I know I don't have it THAT bad so I feel guilty for being depressed which in turn makes me feel more depressed that I have the nerve to feel depression. Sick cycle.
Now I am at the point where I was in law school, where smiling people make me mad and my empathy AND sympathy chips have been removed from my emotional spectrum. The drinking and bad decisions are the only ways I know how to cope. I pray but I need a life coach, a free one. I wonder if Jillian Michaels is available for charity cases.
Anyway, I wanted to update everyone and other people who may come across this blog. I know I'm not alone, I have several friends going through similar situations. So I feel for you and even though I may not know you, I'm praying for you too. We failures of life all have to stick together. Once we eventually do pass though we all gotta crip walk through town singing "Started from the bottom now we here. Started from the bottom now the whole team fuckin here."
A lot has happened since I graduated law school last May. Graduation, as always, is a bittersweet event. The ceremony itself was focused more on past alumni and current professors rather than the graduates themselves. Very lackluster if you asked me. Also they pronounced my name wrong. I mean butchered. And my name is not ghetto or complicated or foreign. Plus the announcer had the phonetic spelling so FAIL. I have no idea where any of my graduation picture are, I think they're on a disc somewhere, so when I find them I'll definitely post them.
Other news, I moved to Virginia the day after graduation. Started in Farmville, VA which has the population of 13, all of which are interrelated, inbred cousins. Too much wilderness, too hot, only a Walmart, no Target and NOWHERE to get my eyebrows done. That lasted a few months then we moved up to civilization in the DC Metro area. Let me just say I hate it. The grass is always greener right? I guess I don't HATE it here, I think I'm just miserable right now and the experiences I have been going through if it happened in any city, in paradise even, I think I would say I hated the place. Why so much hate?
Well July 2012 was the Bar Exam. Two days of the most miserable experience known to mankind. If you are in law school and you thought law school was the most miserable 3 years of your existence (which I thought it was with all the financial aid issues) oh you are in for a rude awakening. I (fortunately or unfortunately) consider myself to be a pretty smart cookie (wtf kind of cookie is smart?) and I literally have never failed anything ever before in my life. Academically. I can retain copious amounts of useless and useful information, I am a fast reader, which really helped at school and I am pretty adaptable to situations. I don't get test anxiety and I'm good at studying generally. For my bar prep I chose BarBri (or it chose me). It's expensive but they have a "guaranteed" pass slogan. Studying commenced from literally walking off the stage until a week before the exam, the last Tuesday and Wednesday in July. Yes people it's two days.
Virginia's testing practices are BEYOND. The test site is in the middle of nowhere each time it is given, you have to wear a SUIT and in July in the south the last thing you want to do is take an exam that determines your future in a mother fuckin suit. Not to mention you have to find a hotel and food for 3 days. It's like the vacation from hell. On top of that the first day this guy had a grand mal seizure that disrupted the test for about 30 minutes. He ended up being ok but the proctors were kind of funny. First, they asked if there was a doctor in the house for the BAR EXAM LAWYERS NOT DOCTORS PEOPLE. THEN they asked if anyone had a cell phone to call 911. UMMMMMMMM the rules for the bar exam is if you are caught with a cell phone in the testing site you will never be allowed to take the exam ever again. Anyway, it was a shit show. I didn't pass July by 7 points. Failure was something new and horrible I never wanted to experience again.
Round 2, Fight!
February 2013 was the next test date. Same shit different day. The costs alone associated with the bar exam are staggering. So having to take it for a second time was stressful and costly. Working as a part time server doesn't exactly help either. I didn't pass February by 2 points............................sigh.
Fast forward to the present. I am gearing up for bar exam numero tres. I am still a waitress. I have no job prospects. I have been out of the legal community for year and I have no money. I haven't even BEGUN to study yet because I can't afford the test materials I want. I decided that BarBri is definitely NOT the way to go, at least for the multiple choice, which has been my Achilles' heel. My essays are stellar but I only improved my multiple choice by 1 point from the July to February exam. If I got 1 more question right however I would've passed. It fucking sucks.
Everyone keeps telling me I'll pass this time, I was so close, it was only 2 points, hang in there, something will come along, you won't be a server forever, etc. etc. etc. But it doesn't feel that way. I am a G-d-fearing spiritual woman, and there is a proverb or something that says G-d won't give you anything you can't handle. But I am at my breaking point because I really don't think I can handle much more of this. When I look at my life: 28 years old, lives at home with mom, waitress, can't pass the bar; it is truly TRULY depressing. I feel like I might need that little Abilify guy from the commercials. The sad thing is I know I don't have it THAT bad so I feel guilty for being depressed which in turn makes me feel more depressed that I have the nerve to feel depression. Sick cycle.
Now I am at the point where I was in law school, where smiling people make me mad and my empathy AND sympathy chips have been removed from my emotional spectrum. The drinking and bad decisions are the only ways I know how to cope. I pray but I need a life coach, a free one. I wonder if Jillian Michaels is available for charity cases.
Anyway, I wanted to update everyone and other people who may come across this blog. I know I'm not alone, I have several friends going through similar situations. So I feel for you and even though I may not know you, I'm praying for you too. We failures of life all have to stick together. Once we eventually do pass though we all gotta crip walk through town singing "Started from the bottom now we here. Started from the bottom now the whole team fuckin here."
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